I have THE WORST insomnia. okay well maybe not the worst, but like most people- I am someone who likes their sleep uninterrupted. Last night I was up from 2:00-4:30ish with like more energy than I have during a typical day lol. Again, I woke up on and off throughout the night, then at 6:00 I woke up for another hour. What is this madness!!!! Not fun. I'm tired and miserable today. I've been having increasingly worse sleeps since the Prozac began. Side effect? I'm thinking so.
My weight is also up 1 pound since yesterday and I ate my entire breakfast without purging like I was "supposed" to. I am so miserable and hating my body right now. I am fighting off the urge to purge right now with the only incentive is that I don't want to purge up my Prozac. Ed is screaming so loud in my ear right now... telling my how fat and ugly I am... How I have no control over my life anymore. He tells me that I have to stop listening to my treatment team because all they want is for me to get fat.
Last night was burger night in my house. I was having the hardest time trying to finish my meal because I knew that I couldn't purge after. My mom is taking the initiative to sit with me after dinner until the feeling passes. My anxiety was through the roof. As much as I didn't want to finish my dinner, I did because I was afraid my mom was going to judge me for not eating it all. I was really trying to be mindful and fight all of Ed's thoughts as soon as I heard them. "Omg, I need to purge this," turned into: "You know what? I need to nourish myself. I don`t want to have to go to treatment. I want to be able to finish my last year of university this year."
That last part is SO incredibly true. I want SOOOO bad to finish my last year- basically my Dr. said that if I'm still where I am today by the time September roles around, I won't be able to do that. I want to get a hold of my life again- so that Ed no longer determines my fate.
Anyway- my posts get so side-tracked lol! Prozac side effects! Ummm really the worst thing is the whole sleep thing. I have found a drastic change in my ability to resist binging. It is very freeing! I also used to have a huge problem with wasting money on binge food- I haven't bought anything this past week on the medication. Money in the bank! lmao
I really have to get going right now so I'm gonna have to cut this short- but please feel free to send me any questions or comments or anything!! :)
Stay strong, stay YOU
Colette xo
Hey there! I just found your blog via mutual bloggers! I can definitely relate to being annoyed with medication side effects. Prozac was the one medication that I was able to handle, but before that I was on trial with many different ones that gave me weird side effects that I didn't like at all. I hated being tired, especially during periods of recovery where I was supposed to be regaining my energy. If you are struggling with this, I would advise you to tell someone! This medication is for YOU and it is going into YOUR body, so you have to stand up and do what's right for you!
ReplyDeleteAs far as the purging, I used to struggle with this a lot. I haven't purged in over a year now and if you ever need someone to lean on or chat with, I'm always here. Recovery takes consistent effort and I'm proud of you for sticking it out! The discomfort will get better with time :-)!
Yes, I'm definitely going to let my Dr. know! Last night wasnt as bad thank God, I was up a few times but not for HOURS at a time.
DeleteAnd congratulations on not purging in over a year! That seems so far away from me. It's so easy to feel like things will not get better when you're in the throes of your disease. However- I also thought that decreasing my episodes to only twice a day was impossible! I guess not :) Baby steps... baby steps.