Body Insecurities

I don't really know what to write about right now, but I feel like blogging so let's see where this brings us.

I haven't really been following my dietitian's orders. I still haven't eaten a "full" breakfast without purging. I have tomorrow and Tuesday morning that I HAVE to do it! Our goal was to do it twice by the time my next appointment is- which is on Tuesday haha. However she will be happy to hear that my bingeing and purging has decreased dramatically. I think my weight went down a bit however :S She won't be happy about that. I always have so much guilt when I go to my appointments. I feel like a failure for not meeting my goals- I feel like they think that I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough? I don't know. 

Something else that I've been thinking about lately: I am so embarrassed of my body. I can't even imagine wearing a bikini right now. I feel like I look like I'm 12, and I can see the stares from people. I don't feel comfortable. So on one hand, I feel like I need to lose more weight- but on the other hand I feel like I look too thin and unnatural. I guess that's the difference between Ed and me? He thinks I'm not thin enough, and  I think I'm too thin. So confusing! Wish I could just have a normal brain haha.

Anyway- I've run out of things to talk about so I'm gonna end this here :)

Stay strong, stay YOU!
Colette xo