I had my appointment with my new doctor today. She really helped put a lot of things into perspective. After getting my history and everything we talked about medications. For all my life I have been SO skeptical of anti-depressants. I know way too many people who have told me horror stories about horrible side-effects, zombie-like states, and suicide attempts. In the past I have heard about doctors using Prozac to decrease binge-purge episodes. She told me that very few of her eating-disordered patients have difficulties with this medication, and that if I don't like it then I don't have to stay on it (but I do have to give it a chance). I left the appointment with a much more open mind about them and a prescription in my hand! My boyfriend is so completely against them so I'm going to have to talk to him about them tonight.
We also talked about treatments options. I explained to her that while I've been looking for inpatient programs, I don't think that I'm sick enough to go. She told me that was 100% not true. She said what I need is to actually be placed in an inpatient or day program, however the problem is that there are such limited resources in my area. She suggested that I apply to a program that is a few hours away from where I live, but the wait list takes at least 3-4 months to get in. She said that that way, depending on my progress, if I need it when they call me, I'll go. If it turns out I'm doing a lot better, I can decline!
The last problem that we discussed is school. I am entering my 4th year of nursing in September. Clearly I want to be able to finish my last year so I can start my career! However my doctor explained to me that I have a serious illness. She told me that my eating disorder is out of control, no matter how much I tell myself that I am okay. She told me to imagine that I had cancer and the doctor told me that I needed chemotherapy. Would I respond, "I just need to put the chemo on hold for a year so I can finish school." ?? NO WAY. I would be risking my life for school? Not no way, not no how. It kind of made me think, why do we minimize our eating disorders? An ED is a life threatening illness. Why would we ever put our therapy on hold for other things in our life? It was like I was saying that I value my schooling more than my life. But now that I think about it, maybe I do? I've been treating my body and soul so horribly lately, it is clear why I wouldn't mind pushing treatment to the side for other things in my life.
My mind is still foggy about everything. Ed has taken such a hold of me that I can't sense right vs. wrong anymore.
Anyway if any of you have been on Prozac, please let me know the pros/cons! I'd love to hear your experience.
Stay strong, stay YOU
Colette xo
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